Fighting For A Voice

Shared Voices

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During the course of my relationship with my abuser, July 1998 through December 2003, my abuser engaged in multiple incidents of domestic violence, rape, sodomy, stalking and aggravated harassment. In the years of 1998 through 2003, there were countless times I would wake in the middle of the night to my abuser master bating, rubbing my body, trying to place his penis in my mouth, vagina or anus. I was forced to have sexual intercourse with him and to engage in sexual acts that used objects other then his own body parts. Despite the physical altercations, tears or my expressing that he was raping me; this behavior continued.

Fall 1998 after leaving a friends house after a physical altercation he had with two young men, My abuser drove me to a church parking lot, beat me , used a brush and screw driver sodomizing me and then having sexual intercourse with me. He then made me get out of the car naked.

In February 1999, my abuser - threw a CD at my head because he was angry I was going to work over time and was afraid I was cheating on him, causing a gash to my eye and swelling that enabled me to work for over a week.

In April/May 1999, my abuser hit me several times with his fist, while in the car because I was working to much and he believed it to because of another man. I had put my hands up to block my face, suffering with multiple broken fingers.

In May 1999, After an argument about me saying no to sex, because it was 2 am and I had to be up for work by 6 am. I was annoyed with him trying to guilt me and decided to go downstairs. At this time my abuser jumped across the bed and kneed me in the groan. I am not sure if it was the shock or the pain, but I pulled myself up and ran for the stairs. He grabbed me trying to pull me close, telling me how sorry he was. I pulled away and started down the stairs and he pushed me. I fell down the stairs and he came running down behind me. He began apologizing and asking if I was alright, he grabbed a knife and held it to my neck, threatening to kill me. I somehow convinced him that we could work through it and to call someone for help. He called his grandma and told her what was going on, she told him that we were young and needed to work out our own problems. He started crying and dropped the knife. I kicked it under the refrigerator. I ran out of the house and down the street, I made it to a pay phone and he had caught up to me and told me that if I called anyone he would call my family and tell them I drank and smoked. That I was a whore and the reason we were fighting was because I was with another man. I ended up coming home with him. I don't why I went back, I was scared and hurt. I was embarrassed my life was like this. I didn't want anyone to know. When we made it home he cried telling me how sorry he was and that he would never do it again. Then he grabbed my face and started kissing me, I turned away, and then he slammed my head into the coffee table. I started crying and went into the bathroom to throw up. He again, started to apologize, only to push my head into the bathroom mirror and my head bounced off... I stumbled back into the living room with him punching my back and head. He grabbed me and started to shake me so hard and then into the wall and back down against the coffee table. I stopped moving. I didn't pass out, I had nothing left in me. He then carried me to bed. I missed a week or so of work because of all the bruising. I could barely move the first few days and I couldn't call or see my family because I could not stop crying. I wanted out, I needed help and I didn't know what to do.

At the end of the week we went to his mothers and she wanted to know what had happened. Both my abuser and I told her and as I got up to use the restroom he punched me in the middle of the back. I fell to the floor. When I was settled down, his mom came into the bathroom and told me I needed to stop making him angry. I was freaking19 years old... I needed help, I needed someone, anyone to make this better and now it became my fault.

In March 2000, I was eight months pregnant and after my abuser pushed me back down into a chair , he assaulted the individual who attempted to verbally control the situation. This was when I received my first protective order.

In February 2003, my abuser threw a child's rocking chair at me. He told me I was lucky it did not hit me in the head.

In February 2003, my abuser threw a foot stool at me.

In September 2003, my abuser pushed me into the wall and into a chair. Threw pictures across the room, broke the phone in half so I could not use it.

In October 2003, My abuser took my daughter by the arm at my parents home, he was forced to leave and in the attempt to make him leave their home, he shoved my mother into the wall. As he continued to walk out of their house he kicked a whole in their bedroom wall, punched several holes making one large whole in their dining room wall, punched their oak door twice, cracking it up the middle and finished by kicking out my mothers tail lights of her vehicle.

In December 2003, my abuser told me that if I attempted to leave him, that I would not leave alive. He expressed that if I left he would take my children and I would never see them again.

In December 2003, my abuser started carving candles throughout the house, saying our names and forever, then he held the knife up to his head and arm and stated he was going to carve it in his body. He chased me into the bathroom and cornered me and threatened that if I left he would beat me, slit my throat, rape me and bury me where no one would find me.

I left my abuser with a vacate and protective order, December 28, 2003

In January 2004, A male friend had stopped by to see how the girls and I were doing. When he went to leave he found that two of his truck tires were slashed. Later my abuser admitted to doing it to two of my brothers and myself. Stating he was lucky that is all he slashed.

In February 2004, My abuser moved directly across the street from my new apartment. Because of the "gray areas" in the protective orders, there was nothing I could do about it.

In April 2004, I began seeing a gentleman who I had became friends with. One evening we had become intimate only to find that my abuser was watching through a crack in the blinds. He began knocking on the window and calling leaving messages what a whore I was and he could F*&% me better. My date had thought we had scared him off, but a few hours later he was there watching us again.

April 2004, My abuser broke into my home. I woke to him trying to pull off my clothes and was touching himself. The police were called and he was not found. That night he came to my window and told me that he would tell his mom everything he could think of for her to continue further family court issues if I pressed any charges.  My abusers mother and I were already in court with her seeking my daughters  fathers visitation rights. One week later I was on the phone with the man I had been seeing and my abuser showed up. We had an argument about him being in my home, and he assaulted me. He was arrested and charged with criminal contempt (for violation of a protective order), Assault in the first and harassment. These charges were lower with treatment, conditional release and probation. He never followed though on any of these conditions.

May - June 2004, My abuser would call daily from jail. At first the calls were not answered and then he began to call 30 -40 times a day. After time I would answer the calls hoping to humor him and lessen his desire to call. This did not work and the frequency of the calls became greater. My brother and I both reported the calls to the jail. My abuser was appropriately corrected by the correction facility, to only start a new form of harassment. I had other inmates and their families calling me three way from the jail. I had been threatened by the individuals calling and was delivered messages from my abuser stating if I reported him again or did not take his calls he would tell CPS that I was the one harassing him and he would continue to have his mother request more visitation with my children. . I did turn in multiple calls,, but there was no way of proven the three way calls took place. I never turned in any others.

June 2004, My abuser was released from jail and returned living across the street from me.(this was my landlords home) My abuser made a copy of my house key and would let himself in when I was not home. He would answer my phone, go through my belongings, and spray his cologne through the house. As the nights began to become cooler I realized a draft in my daughters bedroom. I was checking the windows and found that the window lock had been broken and left cracked open with a rock holding the corner up. He later admitted that he used the window regularly to allow himself in until he had made a copy of the key.

July and August of 2004 - My abuser was found with his ear against my windows , my back door. He was seen around my house or coming to my front door by friends, and when the police were called, the said that since he did not directly harass me that they could not enforce the protective order. Other times it was because the protective order did state that my abuser was present in court, the order did not say if the order was directly served to him, so they could not enforce it either. Many nights I would be on the phone with the gentlemen I was seeing to find my abuser crawling army style across the floor. At the beginning my brother and I would kick him out, after awhile he became a joke around the house. More importantly, if I knew where he was and what he was doing he would not hurt me. Again, he began to threaten to tell his mom lies to have her take me to court for my daughters if I did not do as he requested. He also threatened to tell CPS (child protective services) I was calling him, and asking him to come by if I told on him.

 

 

 

Petition for Twin Tier Legislators to review for:
Early Intervention and Coordinated Responses. With the goal that NO “victim” of Domestic Crime goes unheard, again.

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